inside

Inside the doors are sealed to love
Inside my heart is sleeping
Inside the fingers of my glove
Inside the bones of my right hand
Inside it's colder than the stars
Inside the dogs are weeping
Inside the circus of the wind
Inside the clocks are filled with sand
Inside she'll never hurt me
Inside the winter's creeping
Inside the compass of the night
Inside the folding of the land

Outside the stars are turning
Outside the world's still burning

Inside my head's a box of stars I never dared to open
Inside the wounded hide their scars, inside this lonesome sparrow's fall
Inside the songs of our defeat, they sing of treaties broken
Inside this army's in retreat, we hide beneath the thunder's call

Outside the rain keeps falling
Outside the drums are calling
Outside the flood won't wait
Outside they're hammering down the gate

Love is the child of an endless war
Love is an open wound still raw
Love is a shameless banner unfurled
Love's an explosion,
Love is the fire of the world
Love is a violent star
A tide of destruction
Love is an angry scar
A violation, a mutilation, capitulation, love is annihilation.

Inside the failures of the light, the night is wrapped around me
Inside my eyes deny their sight, you'd never find me in this place
Inside we're hidden from the moonlight, we shift between the shadows
Inside the compass of the night, inside the memory of your face

Outside the walls are shaking
Inside the dogs are waking
Outside the hurricane won't wait
Inside they're howling down the gate

Love is the child of an endless war
Love is an open wound still raw
Love is a shameless banner unfurled
Love's an explosion,
Love is the fire at the end of the world
Love is a violent star
A tide of destruction
Love is an angry scar
The pain of instruction
Love is a violation, a mutilation, capitulation,
Love is annihilation.

I climb this tower inside my head
A spiral stair above my bed
I dream the stairs don't ask me why,
I throw myself into the sky

Love me like a baby, love me like an only child
Love me like an ocean; love me like a mother mild
Love me like a father, love me like a prodigal son
Love me like a sister, love me like the world has just begun
Love me like a prodigy, love me like an idiot boy,
Love me like an innocent, love me like your favorite toy
Love me like a virgin, love me like a courtesan,
Love me like a sinner, love me like a dying man.

Annihilate me, infiltrate me, incinerate me, accelerate me, mutilate me, inundate me, violate me, implicate me, vindicate me, devastate me

Love me like a parasite, love me like a dying sun
Love me like a criminal, love me like a man on the run

Radiate me, subjugate me, incubate me, recreate me, demarcate me, educate me, punctuate me, evaluate me, conjugate me, impregnate me, designate me, humiliate me, segregate me, opiate me, calibrate me, replicate me

arta de a cadea

arta de a cadea e singura arta pentru care m-am simtit mereu pregatita.

cad asa cum stiu sa o faca doar petalele. usor, lasandu-ma in voia vantului. el si numai el stie unde vreau sa ajung, si ma poarta acolo, incet dar sigur. platesc bilet si platesc si amenda. platesc orice. pentru ca merita. cad pe pleoape si pe nari, cad pe buze si pe barbie, cad pe umeri si cad pe buricele degetelor, cad pe tristeti si pe regrete, cad pe nebunia de a risca totul pe o carte si pe fericirea de a pierde. iar uneori cad zambind, pentru ca stiu ca voi ramane o vesnicie acolo.

morning shadows

For the dark finds ways of being

Engraved in the light

like the wine on the weekend

there's one man, he's like
the wishful thinking in my life, i see so
and he's like the wine on the weekend...
and though he is like the sea and it's right he be so
if i hold tight he'll wash over me...

there's one girl I like she's a smile on a monday
and she'll fight to stay so...
and she's like the sun on the weekend
and though she is like the sea and she's right to be so
still i like that she sails with me...

didn't we all break down
didn't we all fake
isn't it alright now
didn't we all break out...

there's one man so bright he blocks the light
and he'll always be so...
he's like no sleep on the weekend
and though he is like the sea and he's right to be so
when i hold tight i sink down deep...

didn't we all break down
didn't we all fake
isn't it alright now
didn't we all break out...

and though we are like the sea and it's right we be so
we could chase tails all the years I've been given...

afara

cand se rup lanturile si se darama zidurile, cand dispar constrangerile si se topesc durerile, atunci vezi cerul. atunci vezi orizontul. atunci poti fugi. atunci poti zbura.

in lipsa de voce

as vrea sa strig, sa-mi urlu dracii. dar am vocea prea subtire, si suna a soprana care plange de dorul iubitului, si nu e cazul. asa ca tac, caci ma tradeaza vocea, si scriu, caci am tastatura loiala.
m-am saturat de morala si de etica. m-am saturat sa mi se spuna din afara ce ar trebui sa simt eu inauntru. m-am saturat ca independenta mea, ca om, sa fie doar de fatada. m-am saturat ca fiecare sa ma judece prin ochii proprii, si sa-si inchipuie ca stie raspunsurile pe care eu le caut inca. m-am saturat de oamenii care nu reusesc sa inteleaga ca nu-mi pasa, chiar nu-mi pasa de ce spune lumea. imi pasa doar sa nu ma mint pe mine. m-am saturat de cei ce nu-nteleg ca nu pot si nu vreau (in ordinea asta) sa ma fac ca nu ma prind ce simt. ma prind, si mi-o asum.
pe ei nu-i pot schimba, am inteles-o. nu-i poti spune unui om care s-a ascuns in cochilia lui o viata ca a gresit. ii distrugi intregul sistem de valori, asa ca o sa lupte impotriva ta, cu sau fara arme. conservarea speciei and all that crap.
pe mine nu vreau sa ma schimb. se intampla sa-mi placa de mine si sa-mi placa lipsa mea de regrete si sa-mi placa ce vad cand ma uit in oglinda. narcisism and all that crap.
acum trebuie doar sa gasesc un mod de a coexista cu falsa pudoare.

this could be heaven

so i'm back.
pentru ca mi-e dor sa ma simt plina de liniste si soare.

Strongest Man

I was quite lazy (to be read busy as hell) lately, so my blog was a bit left aside. Well, I'm back, with impressions from a contest that took place in Constanta about a week ago. "Strongest Man" was its name, and it was... fun. When it was not scarry. Anyway, better than staying at home to translate stuff :D

The constestants:

The prizes:

The public:

she

I can't wait for tomorrow. I can't wait to meet her again. That's why I keep bringing back memories of the times we've had. Memories I'm willing to share.

I love it that you're always alone with her. No matter how many are trying to steal her, she's always yours.

oracolul completat

Respect cuvantul dat. This one goes to Cristi. M-am cenzurat, mult. Sa faci bine sa apreciezi.

Intrebare: Cum ma simt azi?

Kosheen – Face in a crowd (we move in silence /looking down)

Intrebare: Voi ajunge departe in viata ?

Snow Patrol – Last Ever Gunman (I do alright in my own way)

Intrebare: Cum ma vad prietenii ?

Zero 7 – Somersault (You talk to loners, you ask how's your week / You give love to all and give love to me / You're obsessed with hiding the sticks and stones / When I feel the unknown /You feel like home, you feel like home)

Intrebare: O sa ma casatoresc ? (lol)

Regina Spektor – Hotel Song (You will never be my / You will never be my fool / Will never be my fool )

Intrebare: Cum mi'as descrie cel mai bun prieten?

Conjure One – One Word (With only one word / You took the ice out of the air again / And put the heat back in the sun again / With only one word)

Intrebare: Care e povestea vietii mele ?

The Cat Empire – Protons, Neutrons, Electrons (I've had complicated dealings / With complicated feelings / And I've cut and bruised and torn. )

Intrebare: Cum a fost la liceu?

The Fray - All at once (there are certain people you just keep coming back to)

Intrebare: Cum tin pasul cu viata?

Gotan Project – Queremos Paz

Intrebare: Care e cel mai bun lucru la prietenii tăi?
Regina Spektor - Fidelity (All my friends say that of course it's gonna get better / Gonna get better / Better better better better better better better)

Intrebare: Ce fac weekendul asta ?

Modest Mouse - Dance Hall

Intrebare: Cine esti tu de fapt ?
Zero 7 – Passing by (Who am I to make a judgment of your life? / I'm only passing by, passing by)

Intrebare: Cum as descrie prostia ?

Snow Patrol – Spitting Games (I struggle for the words, and then give up)

Intrebare: Cum mi’e viata acum ?

Depeche Mode – Dream On (Paying debt to karma /You party for a living /What you take won't kill you / But careful what you're giving)

Intrebare: Ce cantec se va canta la inmormantarea mea?

Modest Mouse – This Devil’s Workday

Intrebare: Cum ma vede lumea?

Portishead – Only You

Intrebare: Ce ma face fericit ?

Telepopmusik – Smile (When I see you smile, / I can face the world, / You know I can do anything. // When I see you smile, / I see a ray of light, / I see you shining right to the way now.)

Intrebare: Ma doreste cineva in secret ?

Koop – Absolute Space

Intrebare: Cum as descrie realitatea societatii ?

The Dresden Dolls – Dirty Business

Intrebare: Cum pot sa ma fac sa fiu fericit ?

Zero 7 - In time (Take some time / Just hang around awhile / Like to sit this silent moment out / I don't want to lose or let you down / Time's just gonna change itself around)

Intrebare: Ce o sa fac cu viata mea ?
April Nine – Deepest Chill

i had a plan...

... but that was where it ended.

Might as well have written this myself. I feel trapped between what could have been and what is. I created so many alternative worlds inside this weird weird brain of mine, that I have no idea whatsoever about how i'm gonna get to enjoy what i have instead of longing after what i don't and never will have.

I was thinking about the past year. I have so few pleasant memories. And not because there weren't great moments. There were, plenty of. But I don't remember those in detail. I simply see shadows of the laughs I had and of the smiles we shared. I do remember, however, in great detail, all the tiny little sordid aspects of my most miserable moments. I remember what my first thought was when I got the news I so dreaded. I remember how it felt being all alone at night, wondering if I'd ever see you again. I remember the conversations I had with you in my mind. I remember how I told you many many times that I should have done things differently. I remember telling you i needed help. All in my head.
Then I got better. I still needed help, only you had your own life to think about. And the help I needed required too much of your attention. So I stood still, watching you smile. And kept my mouth shut.
I still need help. I still know I won't get it until i ask for it. And I still know this is not the right time.
So I stand still, watching you smile. And keep my mouth shut. 'cause i might have had a plan, but that's where our story ended.

modest joy

We are hummingbirds who like to fly
And we will not move
And thats good news for anyone
Who loves bad news

And we'll all float on ok.

the sun was king today

I missed the sun. I had no idea how much I missed it before I got a chance to sunbathe for a while. It was windy, and not quite warm... which made it perfect.
So anyway.... here's my two cents on today.

And since I'm in a springy mood...

instead of hello

Never thought I'd be a blogger. Actually, I'm still pretty unsure as to what this blog-thingie is supposed to be/do/feel whatever. I just felt I could've shared more of me (plenty of that to go), so instead of writing yet another "devious journal" I created this.
So forgive me if I won't sound too enthusiastic about it. Fact is, I'm...not. May be just a phase, so don't you dare get too emotionally involved with this piece of art - my blog.
However, you may well get emotionally involved with me. Everybody ends up doing that, so why bother fighting it?
In the meantime, I'm again stuck on details. Stuck on each grain of sand, stuck on each drop of sea. Stuck on the idea of escape.