... but that was where it ended.
Might as well have written this myself. I feel trapped between what could have been and what is. I created so many alternative worlds inside this weird weird brain of mine, that I have no idea whatsoever about how i'm gonna get to enjoy what i have instead of longing after what i don't and never will have.
I was thinking about the past year. I have so few pleasant memories. And not because there weren't great moments. There were, plenty of. But I don't remember those in detail. I simply see shadows of the laughs I had and of the smiles we shared. I do remember, however, in great detail, all the tiny little sordid aspects of my most miserable moments. I remember what my first thought was when I got the news I so dreaded. I remember how it felt being all alone at night, wondering if I'd ever see you again. I remember the conversations I had with you in my mind. I remember how I told you many many times that I should have done things differently. I remember telling you i needed help. All in my head.
Then I got better. I still needed help, only you had your own life to think about. And the help I needed required too much of your attention. So I stood still, watching you smile. And kept my mouth shut.
I still need help. I still know I won't get it until i ask for it. And I still know this is not the right time.
So I stand still, watching you smile. And keep my mouth shut. 'cause i might have had a plan, but that's where our story ended.
Might as well have written this myself. I feel trapped between what could have been and what is. I created so many alternative worlds inside this weird weird brain of mine, that I have no idea whatsoever about how i'm gonna get to enjoy what i have instead of longing after what i don't and never will have.
I was thinking about the past year. I have so few pleasant memories. And not because there weren't great moments. There were, plenty of. But I don't remember those in detail. I simply see shadows of the laughs I had and of the smiles we shared. I do remember, however, in great detail, all the tiny little sordid aspects of my most miserable moments. I remember what my first thought was when I got the news I so dreaded. I remember how it felt being all alone at night, wondering if I'd ever see you again. I remember the conversations I had with you in my mind. I remember how I told you many many times that I should have done things differently. I remember telling you i needed help. All in my head.
Then I got better. I still needed help, only you had your own life to think about. And the help I needed required too much of your attention. So I stood still, watching you smile. And kept my mouth shut.
I still need help. I still know I won't get it until i ask for it. And I still know this is not the right time.
So I stand still, watching you smile. And keep my mouth shut. 'cause i might have had a plan, but that's where our story ended.
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