anti-socialism

am devenit anti-sociala. nu ca as fi fost extrem de sociala pe vremuri, da' se agraveaza pe zi ce trece. ma enerveaza 90 % din populatie, iar pe restul doar ii suport. ma enerveaza la culme tanara mama de 60+ ani care striga dupa copilasul de 40+ ani "mami, ai incuiat masina?". ma enerveaza vanzatoarele care se auto-declama specialiste in ale bunului gust si-ti explica "la roz nu merge maro, merge mov si albastru". ma enerveaza bunicile care dau lectii de crestere a copiilor: "nu il mai invata cu mancare din comert, fa-i de casa, ca asa am fost crescuti noi, si eu mi-am crescut trei copii cu supa de cartofi, si n-au murit". ma enerveaza soferii care te claxoneaza pe trecere, si ma enerveaza si soferii care-ti ofera prioritate doar pentru ca ai o masina impunatoare. echivaleaza cu o jignire. ma enerveaza agentii de paza din magazin care stau cu burta pe afara si vor sa dea senzatia unui om fioros. pe cine sa alergi tu nene prin parcare? ma enerveaza magazinele cu politica de "fii dragut cu clientul, si impotriva vointei sale". ma enerveaza vanzatoarele care se tin dupa tine si te intreaba la fiecare 30 de secunde: "cam ce v-ar interesa?" "avem si pe rosu" "sa va arat si o bratara?" "cumparati pentru dvs sau cadou?". nu pricep, o fi vreun client pe lume care chiar sa suporte interogatoriile astea? ma enerveaza cei care vin la fast-food de parca ies "in lume", impopotonati si aranjati ca de disco anii 80, si care se uita la tine, necioplitul in jeansi si maieu, cu o mila atotiertatoare: "poate candva ajungi si tu ca mine, cu curea si pantofi de lac". ma enerveaza ca daca iti iei la restaurant mancare de 60 de ron, si ceri apa plata, e semn clar ca esti zgarcit. macar o cola puteai sa-ti iei si tu, ce dumnezeu. ma enerveaza afisele "estivale" cu tociu si palade si 3 manelisti si mihaela tatu, cu titluri sugestive, gen "prieteni adevarati". ma enerveaza domnitele cu mana fracturata care merg la concerte pe plaja cu tocuri de 12 si se intreaba scandalizate de ce da lumea din cap sau de ce stau fetele (omggg si era faaaaaaaataaaaah) turceste pe jos (fataaaaaaah... statea cracita, iti dai seamaaaa..). ma enerveaza ca in vama, unde te duci ca sa fii liber sa faci ce-ti canta tie cucul, vine el manelistul cu ea pitzipoanca si baietelul lor de 3 ani cu tzepi in fata si chica in spate si incepe el, capul familiei, sa dea dovada de intreaga morala de care dispune: "niste satanisti, nu vezi, nu s-a spalat de-o luna pe plete" (desigur, pletele cu pricina nu-s proaspat geluite... lipsa de bun gust domne). nici fetele nu scapa de ochiu-i exigent: "uite-o si pe-aia, cu cizme vara. cum o fi lasat-o masa sa iasa din casa?".
ma enerveaza. stiu ca nu-i frumos din partea mea. da' nu pot fi zen. nu ma tine. asa ca asa-s eu acum. anti-sociala.

goose bumps

sometimes when your own pain is too much to think about, you think about the pain of the others. and sometimes, if you feel goose bumps from it, you start healing.

JE SUIS MALADE - Original by Serge Lama

Je ne rêve plus je ne fume plus
Je n'ai même plus d'histoire
Je suis sale sans toi je suis laid sans toi
Je suis comme un orphelin dans un dortoir

Je n'ai plus envie de vivre ma vie
Ma vie cesse quand tu pars
Je n'ai plus de vie et même mon lit
Se transforme en quai de gare
Quand tu t'en vas

Je suis malade complètement malade
Comme quand ma mère sortait le soir
Et qu'elle me laissait seul avec mon désespoir

Je suis malade parfaitement malade
T'arrives on ne sait jamais quand
Tu repars on ne sait jamais où
Et ça va faire bientôt deux ans
Que tu t'en fous

Comme à un rocher comme à un péché
Je suis accroché à toi
Je suis fatigué je suis épuisé
De faire semblant d'être heureux quand ils sont là

Je bois toutes les nuits mais tous les whiskies
Pour moi ont le même goût
Et tous les bateaux portent ton drapeau
Je ne sais plus où aller tu es partout

Je suis malade complètement malade
Je verse mon sang dans ton corps
Et je suis comme un oiseau mort quand toi tu dors

Je suis malade parfaitement malade
Tu m'as privé de tous mes chants
Tu m'as vidé de tous mes mots
Pourtant moi j'avais du talent avant ta peau

Cet amour me tue et si ça continue
Je crèverai seul avec moi
Près de ma radio comme un gosse idiot
Écoutant ma propre voix qui chantera

Je suis malade complètement malade
Comme quand ma mère sortait le soir
Et qu'elle me laissait seul avec mon désespoir

Je suis malade c'est ça je suis malade
Tu m'as privé de tous mes chants
Tu m'as vidé de tous mes mots
Et j'ai le cour complètement malade
Cerné de barricades t'entends je suis malade

the obsession

As far as this one is concerned...it's still not exactly how i want it to be. but i love it nonetheless.

part 3

This one is dated October 2006. Huggable little fellow :D

part 2

still playing:D and loving every second of it :D
that's april 2006. yup, my obsession with petals goes a long way back :P

play mode resumed

I've got some free time, so i came back to one of the things i love - playing with images. I will probably (hopefully) be posting some of the things i like here, during the next days / weeks / who knows.
Here's one of them:



Taken quite some time ago, in 2007, in a place i love - Vama Veche. When it's not full of tourists, that is :P

through the glass

i'm on the outside, looking in. i cannot touch but through this glass, i cannot smell but in my mind. i cannot feel your salt lingering on my lips but in my dreams.

se non fosse

Se non fosse per te
Cosa avrebbe un senso
Sotto a questo cielo immenso
Niente più sarebbe vero
Se non fosse per te
Come immaginare
Una canzone da cantare
A chi non vuol sentirsi solo

Se non fosse per te
Crollerebbe il mio cielo
Se non fosse per te
Sarei niente, lo sai
Perché senza te io non vivo
E mi manca il respiro
Se tu te ne vai

Perché senza te io non vivo
E mi manca il respiro se tu te ne vai

repair.dismantle.repair.resume

Hands, like secrets, are the hardest thing to keep from you
Lines and phrases, like knives, your words can cut me through
Dismantle me down (repair)
You dismantle me

inside

Inside the doors are sealed to love
Inside my heart is sleeping
Inside the fingers of my glove
Inside the bones of my right hand
Inside it's colder than the stars
Inside the dogs are weeping
Inside the circus of the wind
Inside the clocks are filled with sand
Inside she'll never hurt me
Inside the winter's creeping
Inside the compass of the night
Inside the folding of the land

Outside the stars are turning
Outside the world's still burning

Inside my head's a box of stars I never dared to open
Inside the wounded hide their scars, inside this lonesome sparrow's fall
Inside the songs of our defeat, they sing of treaties broken
Inside this army's in retreat, we hide beneath the thunder's call

Outside the rain keeps falling
Outside the drums are calling
Outside the flood won't wait
Outside they're hammering down the gate

Love is the child of an endless war
Love is an open wound still raw
Love is a shameless banner unfurled
Love's an explosion,
Love is the fire of the world
Love is a violent star
A tide of destruction
Love is an angry scar
A violation, a mutilation, capitulation, love is annihilation.

Inside the failures of the light, the night is wrapped around me
Inside my eyes deny their sight, you'd never find me in this place
Inside we're hidden from the moonlight, we shift between the shadows
Inside the compass of the night, inside the memory of your face

Outside the walls are shaking
Inside the dogs are waking
Outside the hurricane won't wait
Inside they're howling down the gate

Love is the child of an endless war
Love is an open wound still raw
Love is a shameless banner unfurled
Love's an explosion,
Love is the fire at the end of the world
Love is a violent star
A tide of destruction
Love is an angry scar
The pain of instruction
Love is a violation, a mutilation, capitulation,
Love is annihilation.

I climb this tower inside my head
A spiral stair above my bed
I dream the stairs don't ask me why,
I throw myself into the sky

Love me like a baby, love me like an only child
Love me like an ocean; love me like a mother mild
Love me like a father, love me like a prodigal son
Love me like a sister, love me like the world has just begun
Love me like a prodigy, love me like an idiot boy,
Love me like an innocent, love me like your favorite toy
Love me like a virgin, love me like a courtesan,
Love me like a sinner, love me like a dying man.

Annihilate me, infiltrate me, incinerate me, accelerate me, mutilate me, inundate me, violate me, implicate me, vindicate me, devastate me

Love me like a parasite, love me like a dying sun
Love me like a criminal, love me like a man on the run

Radiate me, subjugate me, incubate me, recreate me, demarcate me, educate me, punctuate me, evaluate me, conjugate me, impregnate me, designate me, humiliate me, segregate me, opiate me, calibrate me, replicate me

arta de a cadea

arta de a cadea e singura arta pentru care m-am simtit mereu pregatita.

cad asa cum stiu sa o faca doar petalele. usor, lasandu-ma in voia vantului. el si numai el stie unde vreau sa ajung, si ma poarta acolo, incet dar sigur. platesc bilet si platesc si amenda. platesc orice. pentru ca merita. cad pe pleoape si pe nari, cad pe buze si pe barbie, cad pe umeri si cad pe buricele degetelor, cad pe tristeti si pe regrete, cad pe nebunia de a risca totul pe o carte si pe fericirea de a pierde. iar uneori cad zambind, pentru ca stiu ca voi ramane o vesnicie acolo.

morning shadows

For the dark finds ways of being

Engraved in the light

like the wine on the weekend

there's one man, he's like
the wishful thinking in my life, i see so
and he's like the wine on the weekend...
and though he is like the sea and it's right he be so
if i hold tight he'll wash over me...

there's one girl I like she's a smile on a monday
and she'll fight to stay so...
and she's like the sun on the weekend
and though she is like the sea and she's right to be so
still i like that she sails with me...

didn't we all break down
didn't we all fake
isn't it alright now
didn't we all break out...

there's one man so bright he blocks the light
and he'll always be so...
he's like no sleep on the weekend
and though he is like the sea and he's right to be so
when i hold tight i sink down deep...

didn't we all break down
didn't we all fake
isn't it alright now
didn't we all break out...

and though we are like the sea and it's right we be so
we could chase tails all the years I've been given...

afara

cand se rup lanturile si se darama zidurile, cand dispar constrangerile si se topesc durerile, atunci vezi cerul. atunci vezi orizontul. atunci poti fugi. atunci poti zbura.

in lipsa de voce

as vrea sa strig, sa-mi urlu dracii. dar am vocea prea subtire, si suna a soprana care plange de dorul iubitului, si nu e cazul. asa ca tac, caci ma tradeaza vocea, si scriu, caci am tastatura loiala.
m-am saturat de morala si de etica. m-am saturat sa mi se spuna din afara ce ar trebui sa simt eu inauntru. m-am saturat ca independenta mea, ca om, sa fie doar de fatada. m-am saturat ca fiecare sa ma judece prin ochii proprii, si sa-si inchipuie ca stie raspunsurile pe care eu le caut inca. m-am saturat de oamenii care nu reusesc sa inteleaga ca nu-mi pasa, chiar nu-mi pasa de ce spune lumea. imi pasa doar sa nu ma mint pe mine. m-am saturat de cei ce nu-nteleg ca nu pot si nu vreau (in ordinea asta) sa ma fac ca nu ma prind ce simt. ma prind, si mi-o asum.
pe ei nu-i pot schimba, am inteles-o. nu-i poti spune unui om care s-a ascuns in cochilia lui o viata ca a gresit. ii distrugi intregul sistem de valori, asa ca o sa lupte impotriva ta, cu sau fara arme. conservarea speciei and all that crap.
pe mine nu vreau sa ma schimb. se intampla sa-mi placa de mine si sa-mi placa lipsa mea de regrete si sa-mi placa ce vad cand ma uit in oglinda. narcisism and all that crap.
acum trebuie doar sa gasesc un mod de a coexista cu falsa pudoare.

this could be heaven

so i'm back.
pentru ca mi-e dor sa ma simt plina de liniste si soare.